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Thought for Friday, Mar 31, 2006

LETTER FROM A FARM KID (now at Camp Pendleton, San Diego,
Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother
Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch
by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the
places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till
nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth
your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to
pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay...
practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad...
there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like
fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on
chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other
regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by
the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours
holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder
these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says
are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my
place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far
as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet
and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a
school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the
school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and
frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep
getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye
is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it
ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you
got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't
even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.
You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real
careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting
with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in
this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I
only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but
I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300
pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before
other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,

Received from Brennon Meals.
and published by the GCFL on 20060302

The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at

Thought for Thursday, Mar 30, 2006

"Reasonable doubt for a
Reasonable price."

-"Yellow Pages" ad by Mickey Haller
in _The Lincoln Lawyer_ by Michael Connelly

Thought for Wednesday, Mar 29, 2006

It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that
English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many
other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.
-- Sydney J. Harris

Thought for Tuesday, Mar 28, 2006

Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London:
Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall
be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind
person shall be deemed to be a cat.

Thought for Monday, Mar 27, 2006

Absurdity, n.:
A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Thought for Friday, Mar 24, 2006

" ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!"
-- Winston Churchill

Thought for Thursday, Mar 23, 2006

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're
going to catch you in next.
-- Franklin P. Jones

Thought for Wednesday, Mar 22, 2006

You Know It's Time to Diet When...

- You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus,
and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.

-Received from Troy Ark.
Distributed by The Good, Clean Funnies List
24 Feb 2006

Thought for Monday, Mar 20, 2006

Golden Oldie

The outer edge of the meat was
coexistent with the border of the bun.

-Judge Amis
(When asked why the liked the
hamburger from a particular place.)

James A. Amis, Jr.
Nov 11, 1910-Oct 3, 2001

Thought for Wednesday, Mar 15, 2006

May those that love us, love us;
and those that don't love us, May God turn their hearts;

and if He doesn't turn their hearts, may He turn their
ankles so we'll know them by their limping.

-Old Irish Toast

tftd resumes on or about Monday 2006/03/20

Thought for Tuesday, Mar 14, 2006

Guglielmo Marconi, an Italian, is generally credited with the
invention of radio. However, scientists from all over the world had
to make contributions before radio could be a reality. For instance,
an American Joseph Henry and an Englishman, Michael Faraday proved
that currents in one wire could produce currents in another. Edouard
Branly, a Frenchman, invented a devise that could receive Marconi's
transmissions and ring a bell. John Fleming, an Englishman, invented
the vacuum tube necessary to receive radio waves which was later
improved by another American, Lee de Forest. But none of this would
have been possible without a means to collect the sounds for
transmissions. The common belief is that the microphone was invented
by an Irishman. But this is purely a patent mike story.

-Stan Kegel
Groaners Digest, Vol 31, Issue 6
Mon, 6 Mar 2006

Thought for Monday, Mar 13, 2006

WHY IS IT that when you eat too much for lunch,
you feel drowsy all afternoon,
but when you eat a big meal in the evening,
you stay awake all night?

-Contributed to "Short Takes" by Etienne Leclerc

Smiles, grins & humor from the files of Reader's Digest!
DailyInbox Presents: 23 Feb 2006

Thought for Friday, Mar 10, 2006

Parties who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool
in the middle of the field in hope that the cow will back up to them.

-Elbert Hubbard
~ The (Other) Thought For The Day ~

Thought for Thursday, Mar 9, 2006

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

Thought for Wednesday, Mar 8, 2006

Golden Oldie

If I give an orange to my friend, I say to him, "I give you this orange."

If a lawyer does it, he says it this way:

"Know all men by these presents that I hereby give, grant, bargain,
sell, release, convey, transfer, and quitclaim all my right, title,
interest, benefit, and use whatever in, of, and concerning this
chattel, otherwise known as an orange, or citrus orantium, together
with all the appurtenances thereto of skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds,
and juice, to have and to hold the said orange together with its
skin, pulp, pip, rind, seeds, and juice, for his own use and behoof,
to himself and his heirs in fee simple forever, free from all liens,
encumbrances, easements, limitations, restraints, or conditions
whatsoever, any and all prior deeds, transfers or other documents
whatsoever, now or anywhere made to the contrary notwithstanding,
with full power to bite, cut, suck, or otherwise eat the said
orange or to give away the same with or without its skin, pulp, pip,
rind, seeds, or juice."

Thought for Tuesday, Mar 7, 2006

Golden Oldie

On Patience

Patience serves as a protection against wrongs
as clothes do against cold. For if you put on
more clothes as the cold increases, it will
have no power to hurt you. So in like manner
you must grow in patience when you meet with
great wrongs, and they will then be powerless
to vex your mind.

-Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519)
Artist, architect and engineer
Cited in BITS & PIECES
BITS & PIECES: Home Delivery 2001/08/16


Or as Herr Kemper is wont to say, 'Patience is a virtue.'

tftd is moving-

I wanted to be able to say the 'move will be transparent to the user'
but cannot. In testing I left the test system set up to distribute
to the LISTSERV. And the 'thought' that was sent out was one that I
would have replaced had I known it was going to be sent. tftd is
fairly automatic. Each day after the thought is sent out a list of
11 future thoughts is 'popped-up'. A new thought is taken from a
UNIX 'Fortune Cookie' file. Those thoughts can be identified by an
'*' in the upper right hand corner. I have two weeks where I can
review the automatic entry and change it if desired.

So instead of only one email from tftd today, most (if not all) will
receive three. I expect that the rest of the change of servers will
go smoothly. Nothing can go wrong, go wrong, &^%*&% wrong, go &*^%&&%....

Thought for Monday, Mar 6, 2006

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in
praise of intelligence.
-- Bertrand Russell

Thought for Monday, Mar 6, 2006

Golden Oldie

The next meeting of "Who did it?, A Grammatically
Correct Mystery Book Club" will be ....

-Meeting notice in the
Moby Dickens Bookstore
Taos, New Mexico

Thought for Friday, Mar 3, 2006

*Golden Oldie*

"The first step is the hardest."

Marie Marquise du Deffand

(Said to Cardinal de Polignac, when the Cardinal told her that
St. Denis, after being decapitated, had picked up his head and
carried it two leagues.)

(Ah, Monseigneur, je croirais que dans une telle situation _il n'y
a que le premier pas qui coute_.' - 'Hey Bubba, when you are in
a fix like that _it is only the first step that is difficult_.')

Thought for Thursday, Mar 2, 2006

Two percent of zero is almost nothing.

Thought for Wednesday, Mar 1, 2006

Mitchell's Law of Committees:
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are
held to discuss it.

 Huanga @ cafenite - Thought For Today