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Thought for Friday, Dec 22, 2006

Golden Oldie

Don't like my driving?
Call 1-800-NO GIFTS

-Bumper sticker
Santa's sleigh

********************
As reported by Penny Pennington

ABCDEFGHIJK MNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

This tftd will be the last for 2006. tftd is taking an extended
Christmas Holiday. tftd will return on or about January 2, 2006.
The message above is Noel.

Thought for Thursday, Dec 21, 2006

Golden Oldie

What if it had been Three Wise Women
instead of Three Wise Men?

They would have asked directions
Arrived on time
Helped deliver the baby
Cleaned the stable
Made a casserole, and
Brought practical gifts!

-tftd assumes From the Internet

Thought for Monday, Dec 18, 2006

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know.

His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of Black November:

"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,

"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin.

"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head.

"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n
pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the
sink;

"And then comes the worst part," he said, not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with
stuffing."

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice, and diet cola;

And as they ate pastries, chocolates, and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes.

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.

And sure enough, when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound.

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven 't a worry, so I eat and I nap.

She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said, "Christmas is coming..."

...

-Received from JaRRod DellaChiesa.
The Good, Clean Funnies List (http://GCFL.net)
2006/11/22

Thought for Thursday, Dec 14, 2006

Keep my word positive.
Words become my behaviors.

Keep my behaviors positive.
Behaviors become my habits.

Keep my habits positive.
Habits become my values.

Keep my values positive.
Values become my destiny.

-Mahatma Gandhi
The (other) TFTD
November 21, 2006
Subscribe:
TFTD-subscribe@psiseminars.com

Thought for Wednesday, Dec 13, 2006

*

There cannot be a crisis next week.
My schedule is already full.

-Henry Kissinger

Thought for Tuesday, Dec 12, 2006

*

Acting is an art which consists of
keeping the audience from coughing.

Thought for Monday, Dec 11, 2006

We must beware of needless innovation,
especially when guided by logic.

-Winston Churchill
From the Masters: Innovation
20 Nov 2006

Thought for Friday, Dec 8, 2006

*

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

-Redd Foxx

Thought for Wednesday, Dec 6, 2006

*
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
(1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong
direction.
(2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
(3) The energy required to change either one of these states
will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so
much as to make the task totally impossible.

Thought for Tuesday, Dec 5, 2006

Helen Lois Schultz, nee Jacobs

A very special person whose greatest joy was giving of herself.
She is fondly remembered as a most gracious, devoted and special
wife, mother, grandmother, friend and for correcting everyone's
grammar. Does she lay here or lie here?

-Epitaph in Los Angeles Cemetery
Reported by Chris Bui in the
December 2006 Reader's Digest

Thought for Monday, Dec 4, 2006

*

All the taxes paid over a lifetime
by the average American are spent by
the government in less than a second.

-Jim Fiebig

(Please note that the '*' in the upper
right hand corner means the 'thought'
was automatically selected from an
UNIX 'Fortune File'. tftd looked for
this quote in lists of quotes from
Jim Fiebig and has been unable to verify.
However it is such a good story..... -tftd


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