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Thought for Thursday, May 31, 2007

Every Horse has an Infinite Number of Legs (proof by intimidation):

Horses have an even number of legs. Behind they have two legs, and in
front they have fore-legs. This makes six legs, which is certainly an
odd number of legs for a horse. But the only number that is both even
and odd is infinity. Therefore, horses have an infinite number of
legs. Now to show this for the general case, suppose that somewhere,
there is a horse that has a finite number of legs. But that is a horse
of another color, and by the [above] lemma ["All horses are the same
color"], that does not exist.

Thought for Wednesday, May 30, 2007

No matter how much
you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

-The Lion
May 2007

Thought for Tuesday, May 29, 2007

When our lawn mower wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I
should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first; the truck, the car, playing golf -- always something
more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived
home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping
away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a
short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as
well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I'll always have a limp.

Moral to this story:

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is the husband.

-(Stephen's Story)

Thought for Friday, May 25, 2007

WASHINGTON (NNS) -- "That from these honored dead
we take increased devotion to that cause for which they
gave the last full measure of devotion." These iconic words
delivered by President Abraham Lincoln at Gettysburg
embody the true meaning of Memorial Day: to honor those
who made the ultimate sacrifice in defense of freedom.

Each member of the Armed Forces swears an oath to
support and defend the Constitution. The unspoken part
of that oath is the willingness to lay down one's life
to protect our liberties. Our freedom is not free, and the
sacrifices of service men and women throughout history
stand as constant, powerful reminders of the price.
President Lincoln said, "to truly honor these heroes,
we must steadfastly resolve to continue their noble fight
against all who would threaten our way of life."

On behalf of the Joint Chiefs and the men and women
of the armed forces, I join all Americans in paying tribute
to those who gave their lives in service to our country.
We are eternally grateful for their selfless sacrifice,
and honored to carry on their precious legacy.

-Marine Gen. Peter Pace
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
tftd: Please note- General Pace didn't mention
sales and picnics as the 'true meaning of Memorial Day'.

tftd will return on or about Tuesday May 29th.

Thought for Thursday, May 24, 2007

Fortune's graffito of the week (or maybe even month):

Don't Write On Walls!

(and underneath)

You want I should type?

Thought for Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

(Submitted by Kandy)

Thought for Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Here's what I've thought about for a long time:
If Lord Cardigan had been the gambler and the
Earl of Sandwich was desirous of a jersey that
buttoned up the front, why we'd all be eating
cardigans and wearing sandwiches.

-Lucie Singh
AWADmail Issue 262


Thought for Monday, May 21, 2007

Stress is like a violin string.
If there's no tension, there's no music.
But if the string is too tight, it breaks.
You want to find the right level
of tension for you--the level
that makes harmony in your life.

-Allen Elkin
Bits & Pieces

Thought for Friday, May 18, 2007

Just because you have the right to do something
doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

-Fred Friendly
(Submittted by Debbie)

Marga Hirsch writes, "I believe the author of this rhyme
(yesterday's tftd and reprinted below) is the late Lee Hays
of The Weavers. He sings it in the documentary film
'Wasn't That a Time!'"


I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

tftd: Please note that when there is an '*' in the
upper right hand corner that the 'thought' came from
the Unix Fortune Cookie file and tftd has no additional

Thought for Thursday, May 17, 2007

I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

Thought for Wednesday, May 16, 2007


Some people are born mediocre,
some people achieve mediocrity, and
some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

-Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"

Thought for Tuesday, May 15, 2007

When a woman says, "Let's sit down and talk",
she means "You need to sit down and listen."

-Willis Wisdom

Thought for Monday, May 14, 2007

The true secret of giving advice is,
after you have honestly given it,
to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not,
and never persist in trying to set people right.

-Hannah Whitall Smith, 1902

Thought for Friday, May 11, 2007

Curiosity killed the cat,
but for a while I was a suspect.

-Steven Wright (1955 - )

Thought for Thursday, May 10, 2007

It is better to deserve honors and not have them
than to have them and not deserve them.

-Mark Twain
The (Other) TFTD

Thought for Wednesday, May 9, 2007


Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist
ought to have his head examined.

-Samuel Goldwyn

Thought for Tuesday, May 8, 2007

If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.

-Flip Wilson
The (other) TFTD

Thought for Friday, May 4, 2007

The more you read,
the more you know.

The more you know,
the futher you'll go.

-Dr. Seuss

Thought for Thursday, May 3, 2007

No committee could ever come up with anything as revolutionary as a
camel -- anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform
effectively under such difficult conditions.
-- Laurence J. Peter

Thought for Wednesday, May 2, 2007

"What was on Hannibal's mind as he drove his elephants over the Alps?
Looking good, apparently, because on Hannibal's head was a wig, which
he wore into battle to cover his lack of locks. Julius Caesar used
his chaplet for the same purpose, the comb-over having not yet been

-Jack Reed; Men Want to Look Good, Too;
St. Petersburg Times (Florida); Jan 28, 2001.
As reported by AWAD 18, 2007


Thought for Tuesday, May 1, 2007

The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided
by the number of people in the group.

 Huanga @ cafenite - Thought For Today