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Thought for Tuesday, Dec 23, 2008

Golden Oldie


Don't like my driving?
Call 1-800-NO GIFTS


-Bumper sticker
Santa's sleigh


********************
As reported by Penny Pennington

ABCDEFGHIJK MNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

This tftd will be the last for 2008.
tftd will return on or about January 5, 2009.
The message above is Noel.

Thought for Monday, Dec 22, 2008

Some Assembly Required

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
in hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds, while Dad
and I faced the evening with dread:

a kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
if we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
but 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,

with each part numbered and every slot named,
so if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
all over the carpet they were scattered about.

"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!

Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact

to keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
with "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.

The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.

But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
and not have to run to the store for a thing!

We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
for the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!

-Puns of the Day
20081219

Thought for Friday, Dec 19, 2008

*
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period
preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, And
throughout our place of residence,
Kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
possessors of this potential, including that
species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward
edge of the woodburning caloric apparatus,
Pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an
imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appelations
is the honorific title of St. Nicklaus ...

Thought for Thursday, Dec 18, 2008

A man went for breakfast at his regular restaurant
one morning. He ordered eggs Benedict. The order
was served on a bright, shiny upside down hubcap.
He asked the waiter why the unusual serving plate.
The waiter replied "There's no plate like chrome
for the Hollandaise."

-Paul Harvey
Puns for the Day

Thought for Wednesday, Dec 17, 2008

*
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's
ego.

Thought for Tuesday, Dec 16, 2008

Santa Claus has the right idea.
Visit people only once a year and
you'll always be welcome.

-Joey Adams
Puns of the Day

FW: Huge Virus Coming




Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 09:53:17 -0800
From: db7576@sbcglobal.net
Subject: Fw: Huge Virus Coming
To:

 
 
-------Original Message-------
 
From: rrrl
Date: 12/15/2008 6:39:59 AM
Subject: Fw: Huge Virus Coming
 
 
 

This is for real.  Was checked out at Snopes.
 
 
Subject: HUGE VIRUS COMING!!

 Hi All, I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus!
 I checked Snopes (URL above:), and it is for real!!
 Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP.
 PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!
 You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message
 with an att achment entitled 'POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK,' regardless of who sent
it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which 'burns' the
 whole hard disc C of your computer. This virus will be received from  someone
who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list. This is the reason
 why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts It is better to receive
 this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it.
If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even though sent to you by a
friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately
.

 This is the worst virus announced by CNN. It has been classified by
 Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by
McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus.  This
 virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital
 information is kept.
 COPY THIS E-MAIL, AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS. REMEMBER: IF YOU SEND IT
TO THEM, YOU WILL BENEFIT ALL OF US
 

 




 
 
FREE Christmas Animations for your email - by IncrediMail! Click Here!

Send e-mail faster without improving your typing skills. Get your Hotmail® account.

Thought for Monday, Dec 15, 2008

*
A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Thought for Friday, Dec 12, 2008

Golden Oldie

What if it had been Three Wise Women
instead of Three Wise Men?

They would have asked directions
Arrived on time
Helped deliver the baby
Cleaned the stable
Made a casserole, and
Brought practical gifts!


-tftd assumes From the Internet

Thought for Thursday, Dec 11, 2008

Updated Golden Oldie

****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ******

Please accept with no obligation,
implied or implicit our best wishes for
an environmentally conscious,
socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral,
celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced within the most
enjoyable traditions of the religious
persuasion of your choice, or secular
practices of your choice, with respect
for the religious/secular persuasions
and/or traditions of others, or their
choice not to practice religious or
secular traditions at all . . .

a n d a fiscally successful,
personally fulfilling, and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset
of the generally accepted calendar
year 2009, but not without due respect
for the calendars of choice of other
cultures whose contributions to
society have helped make America great,
(not to imply that America is necessarily
greater than any other country or is
the only "AMERICA" in the western
hemisphere), and without regard to the
race, creed, color, age, physical ability,
religious faith, or choice of computer
platform of the wishee.


(By accepting this greeting,
you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to
clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the
original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually
implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others, and is
void where prohibited by law, and is
revocable at the sole discretion of
the wisher. This wish is warranted
to perform as expected within the
usual application of good tidings
for a period of one year, or until the
issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting,
whichever comes first, and warranty is
limited to replacement of this wish
or issuance of a new wish at the
sole discretion of the wisher.)


****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ******

Thought for Wednesday, Dec 10, 2008

*
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I
definitely overpaid for my carpet.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"

Thought for Tuesday, Dec 9, 2008

*
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
legislature is in session.

holliday greetings

 I hope you have a:
 
 
       MERRY CHRISTMAS
 
                  AND
 
          HAPPY NEW YEAR
 
      May the new year bring you health , wealth and happiness
 
            Love:  Tony
 
  
 
                 


Send e-mail faster without improving your typing skills. Get your Hotmail® account.

Thought for Monday, Dec 8, 2008

*
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001,
Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of
the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20%
of the definitions are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences
of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

FW: tr: Fwd: le trou noir

video


From: hvoshea@hotmail.com
To: craymann@hotmail.com; edo147@hotmail.com; j5388@aol.com; apelo69@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: tr: Fwd: le trou noir
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 21:01:21 +0000




Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 12:04:10 -0800
From: thejmlees@sbcglobal.net
Subject: Fw: tr: Fwd: le trou noir
To: thejmlees@sbcglobal.net


MERCI MICHEL.   RVBL






>  


>


Send e-mail faster without improving your typing skills. Get your Hotmail® account.

FW: tr: Fwd: le trou noir

video


From: hvoshea@hotmail.com
To: craymann@hotmail.com; edo147@hotmail.com; j5388@aol.com; apelo69@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: tr: Fwd: le trou noir
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 21:01:21 +0000




Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 12:04:10 -0800
From: thejmlees@sbcglobal.net
Subject: Fw: tr: Fwd: le trou noir
To: thejmlees@sbcglobal.net


MERCI MICHEL.   RVBL






>  


>


Send e-mail anywhere. No map, no compass. Get your Hotmail® account now.

FW: tr: Fwd: le trou noir

video


From: hvoshea@hotmail.com
To: craymann@hotmail.com; edo147@hotmail.com; j5388@aol.com; apelo69@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: tr: Fwd: le trou noir
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 21:01:21 +0000




Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 12:04:10 -0800
From: thejmlees@sbcglobal.net
Subject: Fw: tr: Fwd: le trou noir
To: thejmlees@sbcglobal.net


MERCI MICHEL.   RVBL






>  


>


Send e-mail anywhere. No map, no compass. Get your Hotmail® account now.

FW: tr: Fwd: le trou noir

video


From: hvoshea@hotmail.com
To: craymann@hotmail.com; edo147@hotmail.com; j5388@aol.com; apelo69@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: tr: Fwd: le trou noir
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 21:01:21 +0000




Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 12:04:10 -0800
From: thejmlees@sbcglobal.net
Subject: Fw: tr: Fwd: le trou noir
To: thejmlees@sbcglobal.net


MERCI MICHEL.   RVBL






>  


>


You live life online. So we put Windows on the web. Learn more about Windows Live

Thought for Friday, Dec 5, 2008

*
Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature.

Thought for Thursday, Dec 4, 2008

*
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off of the TV screen.

Thought for Wednesday, Dec 3, 2008

*
Behold the warranty ...
the bold print giveth
and the fine print taketh away.

Thought for Tuesday, Dec 2, 2008

A penny saved is obviously
the result of a government oversight.

-Gentle Lessons of Life
From the Internet

Thought for Monday, Dec 1, 2008

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you
desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a difference.


It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.


Received from Del.
"The Good, Clean Funnies List" <gcfl@gcfl.net>
2March2007

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