Thought for Tuesday, Mar 31, 2009
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
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Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
(Anything is more impressive if you say it in Latin)
-Reported by Matt Powell in
"When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?'"
-- Steven Wright
We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
respect their good judgement.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me! I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
-The Older Crowd
An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity
in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.
"Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if
you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like
an hour. But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an
hour seems like a minute."
The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a
moment and says, "And from this he makes a living?"
-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
May those that love us, love us;
Real programmers don't bring brown-bag lunches. If the vending machine
doesn't sell it, they don't eat it. Vending machines don't sell
To keep a marriage brimming,
with love in your loving cup.
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
An Irishman proposed to his girl
on St. Patrick's Day and gave her
a ring with a synthetic diamond.
On learning it wasn't real, she
protested vehemently about his
cheapness. "It was in honor of St.
Patrick's Day" he smiled.
"I gave you a sham rock."
-Puns of the Day
Oh, the glamor, and the clamor that attends
the affairs of state, tend to fascinate the
rabble and impress some folks as great.
But the truth about the matter in terms of
I was reading the dictionary. I thought
it was a poem about everything.
Regarding my investments.
"I am not as concerned with the return on my
money as I am with the return of my money."
* TFTD has been unable to determine
Wisdom comes with age,
but sometimes age comes alone.