Thought for Friday, Jul 31, 2009

*
"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak --
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."
-- Lewis Carrol

Thought for Thursday, Jul 30, 2009

*
"I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my
sister."

Thought for Wednesday, Jul 29, 2009

Golden Oldie

Always try to stop talking
before people stop listening.

-The Lion
June 2002

Thought for Tuesday, Jul 28, 2009

If you want it real bad, that's the way you get it, real bad.

-Col Lafield

Thought for Monday, Jul 27, 2009

*
Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.

Thought for Friday, Jul 24, 2009

Golden Oldie

Keep you Eye on the Ball,
Your Shoulder to the Wheel,
Your Nose to the Grindstone,
Your Feet on the Ground,
Your Head on your Shoulders.
Now ... try to get something DONE in that position!

Thought for Thursday, Jul 23, 2009

Up

Lovers of the English language might enjoy this: How do
non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English?

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings
than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the
top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do
we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP
and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to
the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room,
polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers, and clean UP
the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the
old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an
appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because
it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at
night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the
word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it
takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about
thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the
many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time,
but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or
more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When
the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains,
it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for a while,
things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time
is UP, so ... Time to shut UP!

-Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
via Good Clean Funnies List 7/9/2009

Thought for Wednesday, Jul 22, 2009

*
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?

Thought for Tuesday, Jul 21, 2009

*
Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System. You couldn't pry
that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation
straightened out for a crowbar.
-- O. W. Holmes

Thought for Monday, Jul 20, 2009

*
The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when
to cringe.

Thought for Friday, Jul 17, 2009

Golden Oldie

It is wise to remember that you are one of those
who can be fooled some of the time.

-Laurence J. Peter
DailyInbox: PAX Proverbs Plus
01-23-02

Thought for Thursday, Jul 16, 2009

Golden Oldie

New Definitions

ADULT:

A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.

-Contributed by Willie Weiss
Former tftd Neighbor

Thought for Wednesday, Jul 15, 2009

You can tell more about a person
by what he say about others
than you cn by what others say about him.

-Leo Aikman
Bits & Pieces
July 2009

Thought for Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009

The tilde (pronounced till-da) is that "~" thing that
is the upper character on the key to the left of the
"1" key on most computer keyboards. Walt Whitman was
one of the most avid advocates of its usage, and until
his death he devoted untold hours making others aware
of its potential. So today, as I use that little
button on the upper left of my keyboard,
I often feel like... Walt's in my tilde.

-Puns of the Day 07-13-09

Thought for Monday, Jul 13, 2009

*
"The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more
often."

Thought for Friday, Jul 10, 2009

Golden Oldie

New Mexico license plates have USA after New Mexico.
I assume they have to do that to let everyone know
that New Mexico is in the United States.

-Observed by tftd

********************

tftd understands that a prominent TEXAS UNIVERSITY, not
Texas A&M University, had someone from the admissions
office send an applicant the international admission
forms since 'New Mexico was a foreign country.'

Thought for Thursday, Jul 9, 2009

While attending a marriage seminar on communication,
Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare:
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men:
"For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's
favorite flower?"

Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"

The rest of the story is not pleasant.
The end.

-Reported by Kandy Rose

Thought for Wednesday, Jul 8, 2009

I've been alerted to an event that will take place later this week,
something that happens once and only once over the course of history.
Shortly after noon on July 8, comes the moment that can be called 12:34:56
7/8/9. To mark this momentous event, this week we'll feature words that
have three consecutive letters in order, something that doesn't happen
very often either (there are hundreds of everyday words, but we are
talking here about unusual and interesting words).

It's not exactly true that this sequence of time/date happens only once.
If you follow the day/month/year convention, you can observe the same
sequence next month, on August 7. And even though it appears to be a rare
occurrence, such interesting patterns aren't that unusual. Consider these
from the past:
01:23:45 6/7/89
12:34.56 7/8/90
01:02:03 04/05/06
In a couple of years we'll have 11:11:11 11/11/11. What other unusual
patterns can you think of that are in the near future?

-Anu Garg
A.Word.A.Day
7/5/2009

Thought for Tuesday, Jul 7, 2009

*
Turnaucka's Law:
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its
electrical cord.

Thought for Monday, Jul 6, 2009

http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/declaration.html

The Declaration of Independence: A Transcription

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to
dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and
to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to
which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent
respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the
causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,
that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,
that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to
secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their
just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of
Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the
People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying
its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form,
as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and
Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long
established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and
accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to
suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing
the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses
and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to
reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty,
to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future
security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and
such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former
Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is
a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct
object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To
prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for
the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing
importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be
obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to
them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts
of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of
Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and
formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual,
uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records,
for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly
firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others
to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation,
have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State
remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from
without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that
purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to
pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the
conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to
Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their
offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of
Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the
Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the
Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our
constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their
Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders
which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province,
establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries
so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing
the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and
altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested
with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection
and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and
destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to
compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with
circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most
barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to
bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their
friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to
bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages,
whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all
ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the
most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by
repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act
which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have
warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend
an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the
circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to
their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the
ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would
inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have
been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must,
therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and
hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace
Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in
General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world
for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of
the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That
these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent
States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown,
and that all political connection between them and the State of Great
Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and
Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace,
contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and
Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of
this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine
Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and
our sacred Honor.

Thought for Wednesday, Jul 1, 2009

Golden Oldie

"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex."

(Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)
-- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)