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Thought for Friday, Jan 29, 2010

If you are unable to fix it with a hammer,
then you've obviously got an
electrical problem.

-Submitted by
Daryl GibsonX

Thought for Thursday, Jan 28, 2010

The best leaders ... almost without exception
and at every level, are master users of stories
and symbols.

-Tom Peters
Business Writer
Bits and Pieces on
Leadership

**************
tftd finds this comforting for some reason.
Is it OK to use the same old story over and over?

Thought for Wednesday, Jan 27, 2010

You only need two tools in life -
WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move, and it should,
use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does,
use the Duct Tape.

-Submitted by
Daryl Gibson

Thought for Tuesday, Jan 26, 2010

*
"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order"
-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who"

Thought for Monday, Jan 25, 2010

*
There once was an old man from Esser,
Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small,
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a College Professor.

Thought for Friday, Jan 22, 2010

*
Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
for play?

Thought for Thursday, Jan 21, 2010

*

Drawing on my fine
command of language,
I said nothing.

-Robert Benchley

Thought for Wednesday, Jan 20, 2010

We all get heavier as we get older, because
there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

-Puns for the Day
1/15/2010

Thought for Tuesday, Jan 19, 2010

*


A strong conviction that something must be done
is the parent of many bad measures.

-Daniel Webster

Thought for Monday, Jan 18, 2010

*


Democracy is a government where you can say
what you think even if you don't think.

Thought for Friday, Jan 15, 2010

Nothing is ever lost by courtesy.
It is the cheapest of pleasures,
costs nothing, and conveys much.
It pleases him who gives and receives
and thus, like mercy, is twice blessed.

-Erastus Wiman
Bits & Pieces December 2009

Thought for Thursday, Jan 14, 2010

We sometimes speak of winning reputation
as thought that were the final goal. The truth
is contrary to this. Reputation is a reward to
be sure, but it is really the beginning, not
the end of endeavor. It should not be the
signal for a letdown, but rather, a reminder
that the standard which won recognition can
never again be lowered. From him who
gives much, much is forever after expected.

-Alvan Macauley
Bits and Pieces December 2009

Thought for Wednesday, Jan 13, 2010

Do the Alphabet song and
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

-From the "Why" Collection
Good Clean Funnies List 2009/12/18

Thought for Tuesday, Jan 12, 2010

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) In what some in the White House are
calling a "win/win" solution to the nation's airport security and health
care reform problems, starting next month U. S. airports will begin
conducting full body scans that will double as annual physical checkups.

President Obama announced the breakthrough solution, telling reporters,
"With this all-purpose exam, we will be able to find everything from a
hidden weapon to a spot on your lung."

After scanning a passenger, Mr. Obama said, "We will either give you a
clean bill of health or wrestle you to the ground."

The President added that instituting the body scan/checkup could ward
off some terrorists right from the start, "because a lot of them
will balk at the $25 co-pay."

But according to Davis Logsdon, who studies terrorism and health care
reform at the University of Minnesota, the body scans may attract more
terrorists than they deter: "If there's one complaint that terrorists
have about al-Qaeda it's that they have lousy benefits."

-Andy Borowitz
Puns of the Day
2010/01/07

Thought for Monday, Jan 11, 2010

How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

-From the "Why" Collection
Good Clean Funnies List 2009/12/18

Thought for Friday, Jan 8, 2010

Golden Oldie

Industry Fact: When Elvis Presley died in 1977 there were
37 Elvis impersonators in the world.

Today (Oct 1993) there are 48,000.

If the current trend continues,
by the year 2010, one out of every three
people in the world will be an Elvis impersonator.

-Audio Village ad
Oct 1993 _MIX_ magazine


If the trend from 1993 did continue then look to your right
and to your left. If one of them isn't an Elvis
'Tribute Artist' then it must be you.
Elvis Aaron Presley would be 75 today.

Thought for Thursday, Jan 7, 2010

Climate is what you expect.
Weather is what you get.

-Old Weather
Forecaster's Saying

Thought for Wednesday, Jan 6, 2010

An ordinary person will say, "I give you this orange."

A lawyer will say, "I hereby give and convey to you all and singular,
my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of
and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds,
and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and
otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without
the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter
or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind
whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

-Rediscovered by Herr Kemper
http://www.ahajokes.com/law073.html

Thought for Tuesday, Jan 5, 2010

*

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined
to write "very"; your editor will delete it
and the writing will be just as it should be.

-Mark Twain

Thought for Monday, Jan 4, 2010

Golden Oldie

(Suggestion for YOUR New Year's Resolutions)

I once listed all the good things I did over the past year,
and then turned them into resolution form and backdated them.
That was a good feeling.

-Robert Fulghum

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